Yesterday during science describing attributes of a leopard:

"The leopard has polka dots."

I laughed for 2 minutes straight then asked her if it was a handbag or a dress...

Gross

Is it mean if I tell kids to go away when they come to my desk and start coughing? I always get mad and tell them not to cough when they are standing over me.

EWWWWWW.

DARE

Did the DARE officer really tell my ten year old students today that a little alcohol is good for them once they are grown up!? HMMMM...

I Couldn't Hold it.

These two little kids are in the office crying and in lunch detention because they peed on the fence at lunch recess...FIRST graders! AH!
One of them is sobbing saying, "I just couldn't hold it!"
Sweet secretary: "Crying isn't going to help, so take a deep breath and calm down."
Sobber: "I just don't want my mom and dad to know about this!"

Really kid? I am pretty sure your parents are going to hear about this one...

Sweet

Yesterday at recess, G told me that she thinks about me every night before she goes to sleep. How sweet is that!? Gosh I love that kid.

Oops

So for guided reading right now, one of my groups is reading a biography on Sojourner Truth (you know, the former slave and abolitionist?). Well each time we meet the students have to bring vocabulary words to discuss. The other day one of my students brought the vocabulary word prostitute... Really? I didn't even know how to respond. So I said, that isn't a word we need to discuss here at school, go home and ask your parents if you want to know. Ya, I probably shouldn't have said that. I wonder how many calls I will get from parents asking me why their son/daughter is reading a book with prostitutes in it in the 5th grade. Ma bad...

GRRR

My students were working on social studies posters and presentations in groups the other day. I was walking around helping, like any good teacher would (this is not a usual thing. Any second I get to sit at my desk, I take it...is that bad?). Anyway, one group raised their hands with a question and I was thinking to myself, oh good, someone needs me. So I walk over and they had not even started on their poster. One of the girls says, "We keep arguing over whether to use markers or colored pencils on our poster." I lost it! GRRRR!!!! Seriously!? I was so close to making them each get their own poster and doing it on their own. I told them that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard and did they really think the people of 1812 would have cared what they used on their poster!? WOW...special. Sometimes I do not like that my job involves mediating the smallest, stupidest conflicts on Earth.

I doubt it...

The other day my blind student said, "My life is so busy."
I then said back, "So is mine."
Then she proceeded to 'argue' with me that her life is busier than mine...hmmm...
Oh the naive-ness of a 10-year old.

Straight to the Heart

This note was left on my desk today by a disruptive student from my science class...

Dear, Mrs. ritchie/best science teacher :)
Listen why i'm not paying attention is because my grandma died not to long ago, so i try to have as much fun as i can so i don't really think about her. But i promise i'll pay more attention in class. I'm very sorry.

P.S. I'm S'o sorry, and happy saint patricks day. :)

P.S. The table i yous't to sit at i couldn't push in my toat tray and it is so wabbely. :)


Honestly, I feel terrible and pretty bad for the kid--talk about a stab to the heart. But I think he needs to try to have fun elsewhere and start paying attention in class. I am a fun science teacher and we do awesome experiments. I want my students to have fun, but he needs to find his out at recess or lunch or somewhere else. Am I mean for saying that?
Oh, and the office lady told me that she died six months ago and he uses it as an excuse for everything. I get it, my grandma died too and it was sad and I struggled for a really long time. I will be nicer to the kid now that I know, but he better keep his promise and try harder to be better in class too. Wow, that sounds harsh. Don't judge, it's been a long week.

Really?

We are taking a writing test in the computer lab and as I am walking around, I notice that my blind student is just sitting there and not typing. I ask her how it's going and she says, "It's going great. You shouldn't talk during the test though..."
Seriously? Who does she think she is?

Jump Rope

Today at recess, G told me that when she sees me, her heart feels like it is jump roping...
She also asked if the warthog saw its shadow. Warthog? HILARIOUS!

And she said she will miss me when we go off track next week. She asked me if I would cry...

Busses

Why do kids always show their true colors on BUSSES!?!? Field trip this morning--kids were crazy on the bus!!!! Is it the kids, or is it the fact that 81 fifth graders were crammed into a large, but tight, yellow orangish transportation device? It was oh so loud and my head could have blown up...Glad it didn't though. That would have been a mess...

More from G

Today, I went to visit G at recess. When she saw me, she screamed my name and ran to me. Then she said these sweet things to me:

*I wish I could have a play date with you for 1,000 days.
*My heart is smiling now that I see you.
*I love Valentine's Day because I can't wait to give you a giant card with a picture of me inside. Then, when you look in it, you will remind me (I think she meant you will remember me...).

I also got four hugs from her while I was out there. I was only out there for seven minutes...

Poet and you didn't even know it...

We are doing a poetry unit and my class came up with these poems together:

Dog

There once was a dog named Punchy,
who preferred his steak rather crunchy.
He met a dog named Lucy,
who liked her steak juicy,
And they had a little puppy named Munchy.

Balloon

There once was a rainbow balloon,
who flew all the way to the moon.
When it got there it popped,
and to the Earth it dropped,
It's okay, it was just a cartoon!

Pencil
Long, skinny writing tool
jumping on the desk
erasing and writing all day long
squiggling down the paper
with its sharp point
dwindling down to nothing...

Pretty creative and funny, I thought.

Tough Teacher

"You are really pretty, but you're tough too!"

~As stated by my American Hero fan after helping her with the teeter-totter at recess...

G

G is the sweetest ever 2nd grade sister of one of my students. I heart her so much. She has this really curly blond hair and the cutest smile ever. She says the nicest, cutest, and funniest things to me. Such as:

*Miss Ritchie, you're so pretty, you should be on a Christmas card (isn't that a line from Elf!?)
*When I have my first baby, I think I'll name her Bailey.
*I wish my parents would go out of town and you could be our babysitter while they are gone.
*Once, my brother landed his helicopter in my hair and when my dad pulled it out, he ripped a 2-centimeter junk out of my hair!!!!
*I wish that we could move to Hollywood together and make a show where we told jokes and sang songs and then signed autographs all day.
*She told me she cried when she heard "My Life Would Suck Without You" by Kelly Clarkson on the radio. Then she said to me, "Miss Ritchie, my life would suck without YOU!"

She also sings a song to me almost every time I see her. It goes a little like this...
"Miss Ritchie is so awesome, Miss Ritchie is so cool, come on Miss Ritchie, let's rock and roll!"

I want six just like her someday...

Electricity

Gave a science test to one of the other fifth grade classes I have been teaching...

Q: How is lightning caused?
A: Lightning is caused when thunder and water are mixed.
A: The Earth has a circuit and when it rains, the circuit causes lightning.
A: The thing that causes lightning is static electricity that comes from carpet and us.

Q: What is static electricity?
A: Static electricity is made when you plug in a toaster or something.

BEST for last!!
Q: How can you increase the shock you get from touching a metal object after rubbing your feet across the carpet?
A: By sitting in a bath tub with a turned on blow dryer!

REALLLLLLLY!?!!? Did they just NOT listen for six weeks straight? Seriously!? Did you know that we caused lightning or that you can increase the shock by electrocuting yourself!? I almost wrote that he would die if he did that on his paper, but I refrained...

Note

Found this note on my desk today...

To: Miss Ritchie
From: ???

Dear Miss Ritchie,
You don't know who i am probally, but i can tell you one thing about me. I am in your class. I wanted to tell u that i am proud to call you my teacher. You help me when i am down. With out you my grades would be bad. So thank you 4 being a american hero...my american hero!! I think that you are the best teacher in the world. If i could i would make your life be purfect.
THANKS 4 LISTENING

Love,
Jessica (The name was crossed out so I "wouldn't know" who wrote it...)

Well isn't that the cutest thing ever. Now I know the person that wrote the Cats Caught Doing Good to me.

Oh, and do you know how hard it was for me not to correct all of her grammar errors while typing this!?

Cherubic...

Today in reading groups, one of my students asked me what cherubic meant. After I explained and tripped over words, he said, "So basically it means chubby angels?"

HERO

There is a box outside the office at my school where kids and parents can put in good things they see happening around the school. It's called "Cats Caught Doing Good." Then, the principal reads them on the announcements every morning. This morning:
"Thank you Miss Ritchie for helping me with my problems. You are a true American hero. Thank you."

American Hero? HMMM... That is false.

Bonjour!

This week is salad spirit week at my school. Today is French dressing. Is the boy in my class with the pink beret on serious?
I wasn't sure what to wear, so a black dress, black sweater, hair back in a bun with French twist in the front, Eiffel tower necklace, and scarf tied around neck had to be good enough...