Yesterday during science describing attributes of a leopard:

"The leopard has polka dots."

I laughed for 2 minutes straight then asked her if it was a handbag or a dress...

Gross

Is it mean if I tell kids to go away when they come to my desk and start coughing? I always get mad and tell them not to cough when they are standing over me.

EWWWWWW.

DARE

Did the DARE officer really tell my ten year old students today that a little alcohol is good for them once they are grown up!? HMMMM...

I Couldn't Hold it.

These two little kids are in the office crying and in lunch detention because they peed on the fence at lunch recess...FIRST graders! AH!
One of them is sobbing saying, "I just couldn't hold it!"
Sweet secretary: "Crying isn't going to help, so take a deep breath and calm down."
Sobber: "I just don't want my mom and dad to know about this!"

Really kid? I am pretty sure your parents are going to hear about this one...

Sweet

Yesterday at recess, G told me that she thinks about me every night before she goes to sleep. How sweet is that!? Gosh I love that kid.

Oops

So for guided reading right now, one of my groups is reading a biography on Sojourner Truth (you know, the former slave and abolitionist?). Well each time we meet the students have to bring vocabulary words to discuss. The other day one of my students brought the vocabulary word prostitute... Really? I didn't even know how to respond. So I said, that isn't a word we need to discuss here at school, go home and ask your parents if you want to know. Ya, I probably shouldn't have said that. I wonder how many calls I will get from parents asking me why their son/daughter is reading a book with prostitutes in it in the 5th grade. Ma bad...

GRRR

My students were working on social studies posters and presentations in groups the other day. I was walking around helping, like any good teacher would (this is not a usual thing. Any second I get to sit at my desk, I take it...is that bad?). Anyway, one group raised their hands with a question and I was thinking to myself, oh good, someone needs me. So I walk over and they had not even started on their poster. One of the girls says, "We keep arguing over whether to use markers or colored pencils on our poster." I lost it! GRRRR!!!! Seriously!? I was so close to making them each get their own poster and doing it on their own. I told them that was the stupidest thing I had ever heard and did they really think the people of 1812 would have cared what they used on their poster!? WOW...special. Sometimes I do not like that my job involves mediating the smallest, stupidest conflicts on Earth.